Discipline: Marriage

In this book, Hughes calls men to be men (as opposed to boys) in their marriage. Here are the portions of the book I found particularly impactful and challenging:

  • “A man who embraces such a love will experience the grace of death to self”
  • “Men, do you pray for your wives with something more than, ‘Bless good old Margaret in all she does’? If not, you are sinning against her and against God.”
  • “Men…do you realize it is your responsibility to seek your wife’s sanctification?”
  • “Loving your spouse is not to love her as a saint, but as a sinner.”
  • “Everything about us: our eyes…our language…our schedules…our passion must say to her, ‘I am, and will always be, faithful to you.'”
  • “The discipline of communication demands that you set aside regular time to talk – and that you really do talk, and that you communicate more than facts, that you communicate feelings.”
  • “Compliments on her kindness and her daily provisions should be commonplace, as should showing her respect by observing common courtesies.”
  • “Many men never forego a planned pleasure for the sake of their wives…But if you love your wife, there must be times when you forsake the heavenly greens [Golf course] because you value her interests and simply love her”
  • “Your calendar reveals what is important ot you, so write her calendar into yours.”


It’s a little weird for me to think about marriage from a vantage point of discipline because love and discipline seem polarized in my head. But more and more I am seeing that they are two sides of the same coin. For example, Hebrews 12:6 says that God disciplines those he loves.  I am finding that I must discipline myself to pray with Tara, to talk with Tara, and to spend time with Tara, because my natural tendency is to take her for granted. My natural tendency is to devote attention to her whenever it “just happens” rather than intentionally and in a disciplined way, make time for her. I want to pray with her, talk to her, spend time with her, and much more, but what I find is that unless I intend on doing this in a disciplined manner every day, I end up distracting myself with things that do not deserve my attention and certainly do not deserve my love, nor do they love me in return.  I love my wife more than anything on earth, and the paradox of it is that it is so easy for me to take her for granted.

Some other great resources on this subject are:

Another post of mine: Resolve: Pray with your spouse

Powlison videos on marital intimacy: here

Piper: This Momentary Marriage

Tripp: What did you Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage

Here are the previous posts in this blog series:


Discipline: Purity


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